Monday, March 18, 2013

Dolla Dolla Bill

You don't know Dolla Bill?...I'm sure you've seen him around. I wish these men knew rockin’ that Coogi from head to toe doesn’t look as fresh when you can’t rip the tags off. Because how the hell are you going to exchange it for next weekend's outfit? Or that Charger you’re pushing from the “Buy Here, Pay Here” lot would be much more attractive if 75% of the black men in Cincinnati (with a license) weren’t driving the same thing. Oh hey Dolla, yes Dolla Bill, whose name is your phone in? Your Moms?  Oh it’s Cricket, right. While we are on the subject of Dollar Bill, how many (dollars) do you have on you right now? None, right.
When did a black man think that appearing to be something he currently isn’t was the way to a woman’s heart..err…vagina? If you walk around pretending like you just had filet mignon for dinner I’m going to be pissed when we pull up to 5 Guys for a date. Actually who am I kidding more like Burger King. I’m going to have to put this one on upbringing too. Someone, somewhere told these men that looking good on the outside, is all that matters. Paying your light bill comes second to the new Jordans or giving your baby momma(s) money to help support your kids. As long as the shoes match the shirt that matches the are really going somewhere. Riiight. Listen I like a nice dresser as much as anyone else, just not at the expense of let's say your rent. I had an ex who would rather go and drop $200 on an outfit and got to Rent A Center for furniture, umm can we say priories?? That gets me on a whole new for another time. All I'm saying is all that's shiny isn't gold...even from Dolla Bill. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Shoes, not Choos!

“You sound good girl, tell me, what do your feet look like?” Excuse me?? The first time I heard this, my inner diva came out.  You paying for my pedi? Have you looked at your own damn feet?? That crusty yellow toe nail better stay under socks. Do you plan on having me barefoot in front of your friends? With a face like this they sure as hell aren't looking at my feet and if they are you should question their intentions and or sexuality.  Be glad I represent on the outside and if my toe nail is chipped…I Bet you’ll still hit it. This goes right along with shoes. I had a guy tell me that one of the most important traits in a woman is her shoe are you Jimmy Choo?? I immediately cancelled my date with that one. I’m not gonna to get all bent outta shape about my shoes when you show up pushing a Honda. Screw you, I’ll take my Target shoes and Nordstrom rack boots and walk elsewhere.